August 7, 2007 Cathin' them babies.

(As per SOMEONE'S request, and as best as my frazzled brain will allow me to remember)

I was supposed to leave the city for the annual jamboree by 9:00 am. However, as is typical in my world, I got super delayed. I didn't actually leave until about 4:00 pm. And then my departure was quickly taken over by a nasty storm cloud which decided to stay right over top of me the entire way pissing like a racehorse. In fact, it's because of this cursed cloud that I even got into this particular nightmarish pickle at all.

I was driving along well enough until the rain got so bad that I couldn't see beyond the end of my car so of course I pulled over. I waited it out about 15 minutes. The weather seemed to have lightened up so I started on my way again. I figured I was about 20 minutes from town at this point. I called the friends that were patiently waiting to meet me, and bring me into the grounds to let them know my ETA. I started driving and within 5 minutes, visibility was shot again so I planned to pull over at the next spot I could. Ahead of me a black SUV (with Manitoba plates) pulled over and I saw that it was a good enough spot with room for me so I joined them. I was behind them maybe 10 seconds before the driver (a male about 26 years old) came frantically running towards me and knocked on my window. I was a wee bit concerned seeing as I was alone on the road but I opened my window a crack and he asked (more like screamed): "Do you have a cell phone?! My wife is in labour!!!!!"

I swear I saw my own eyes bugged out all the way past my nose. I grabbed my phone getting out of my car and started to dial 9-1-1 and gave it to him. I told him to get back in his car and while following him I asked if I could check on his wife. He looked at me funny and I told them (as I was getting into their car and this is MY huge a** mistake of the year) "I'm an EMT grad and maybe I can help while you wait for the ambulance." I said this as the rain was thundering down like horses hooves on the roof. I suspect all he heard was "EMT" and his face looked like I just told him I was Jesus reincarnated or something.

They readily gave me consent and I checked on his wife getting whatever history I could. She's all good aside from the REALLY obvious fact that she's in labour. She's sitting in the front seat (really uncomfortable) and I told her to get into the back after I got the seats down and whatever blankets and sh** I could find spread out for comfort. I didn't get a chance to time her contractions (wasn't wearing a watch) but by my guesstimate there were NO breaks LOL. Her vitals were fine she was just REALLY ready to push.

So dad is on the phone being completely useless and now that I have mom set up in the back I shout to him: "GIVE ME THE PHONE!" He looked at me like I'd asked something crazy and refused to pass it over. I asked two more times before I just grabbed it and spoke with whomever was in dispatch saying: "Look. I got pulled over with these two and I'm a NEW EMT. This baby is coming now. How long is it going to be?" Dispatch is like stuttering and didn't seem to know if anyone would get to us so I cut her off (I feel bad) and told her "We will start driving to town now with hazards on and if at some point a unit feels the urge to come and meet us then GREAT because this baby is coming now and I've got nothing! And hey! Maybe you could let emerg know that we're coming in!"

So dad once again proves what a dork he is at the moment (TOTAL typical first time dad). He couldn't figure out how to put his flashers on, and then QUESTIONED me when I insisted he put them on. Meanwhile I'm having a very bizarre panic-fest in my brain as I realize what the h*** might be about to happen. This is while I check to see just how much mom has progressed and I determined (by my limited education) that this was as 'imminent' as it could get.

All I wanted to do was tell her to stand on her head with her legs crossed while I ran for the hills in search of a cave to hide for the rest of my life. However I tell dad to get his act together and start driving. It was rather entertaining because the more I yelled at him (he WOULD NOT listen to ANYTHING I told him) the calmer mom got. I think she enjoyed it LOL.

So I tried to coach mom's breathing and was relieved to see that we were A LOT closer to the highway intersection then I first thought. We got to the hospital where there were nurses and a doctor ready for us thank god. We pulled into the emerg bay (after I had to yell at dad who thought we should park in the parking lot (IDIOT!) because we aren't an ambulance, and the nurses jumped into the back and pushed me out of the way (which I happily obliged). They took one look to find what I already knew: baby was crowning!

I went into emerg and checked to see what they needed from me and then (because I was not at all interested in sticking around) snagged some nurse's husband to drive me back to my car so I could go to the jamboree and get right smashed! At this point, they had already gotten mom on a stretcher and into a room.

Once back at my car, I let my friends know that I had yet another delay but that I was back on the road. After two minutes driving I decided to pull over again because I had to puke. And then I was good. Got to the grounds and proceeded to drink maintaining a healthy buzz for about two days straight.

I got back home Monday and checked my messages to find out the couple had a healthy baby girl. Mom was about 35 weeks and this was their first pregnancy/baby. Baby was 6 lbs 8oz and measured 19.4". She was named Serena Heidi ****** And for the record using my name does NOT make up for the torture of this experience. If I had wanted to see patients from that perspective I would have become a gynecologist!

3 comments:

medic969 said...

LOL!!!!!!!

That is hilarious. And that is gods way of punishing you for all the smart a** remarks and pictures of me around a fake vagina.

Congrats. As scary as that is, you should be proud. if all you did was help keep mom and dad calm then you did your job. remember what i said in class, you cant stop baby (even though we wish we could), you are just their as a supporting actor. and i literally mean actor because you have to pretend that you know what you are doing to keep every one else calm.

We should go for drinks again some day.

Emily said...

heidi, that just made my week. but i love that it happened to you and not me. and how cute that they gave the baby your name!

mark it down as a good experience and hope like heck it never happens again, that's what i say. (and i'm really really glad you had a chance to drink off the memories.)

medicnorth said...

Now THAT is the coolest story ever! The only way it could have been better is if you had actually become a member of the stork club!

I know you felt inadequate, but the fact that you were there and knew
anything at all was probably a huge comfort to both of them. The bottom line is, that if you had had to deliver a baby, you would have delivered a baby! Congratulations for what you did, what you were prepared to do, and for saving the puking until well after the fact - you are gonna be great!

hugs