So how often is it that something happens in your life that could soon become a commonly read email joke?
Well, after 28 years of living my own life I'm beginning to realize that by just being me, going about my day as I already do, I may never be a comedian but I sure as heck might get a few chuckles with my apparent ability to re-tell the story in written form.
So let's begin with my short tale The Shampoo Story:
Ok... so this past winter I developed an extraordinarily nasty case of dandruff. I haven't had dandruff since junior high back in Winnipeg so this sucks. Combine that with my uniform for school and it sucks even more because in my case the flakes were HUGE! Not just a light dusting, but like 'take out small children' huge. I think it's because I burned my scalp SUPER bad one day hanging out with a friend this past summer: 6 hours in the sun without protection LOL you'd think that a girl like me would know better then to leave home without protection (or a camera LMAO) *wink*.
Sorry I'll refocus: Dandruff. I'd tried my old remedies that worked in the past but with no success so I decided I'd buy a bottle of Head and Shoulders. However, FIRST I needed to shave my head as I was starting to look 'shaggy' in that way that only I can.
Now let me remind you, it's been 3 years that I've beend= shaving my head. Prior to that I had a supply of shampoo that would have lasted me (with hair) for at least 6 months. Now one bottle will likely last me 5 years! LOL so it's been a TERRIBLY long time since I've wandered down a shampoo aisle.
Let's continue: freshly shaved head and all, I left for the grocery store - Superstore if you need details.
I got to Superstore and found the shampoo/hair stuff section and scanned looking for the Head and Shoulders. Woohoo...I saw it on the bottom of the shelves of course because no one wants to admit to having dandruff. For Pete's sake!!! We live in Canada...EVERYONE has it at least once. (Did you know Winnipeg is the unofficial dandruff capital? They use it as a centre for testing new products and treatments but in more recent years have had to search for willing participants elsewhere because they've been curing the dandruff problems so well!)
Ok. I got there and I realized that in the lifetime since I last purchased hair products, H&S had expanded their product line to meet the needs of ALL consumers. GREAT! I had choices.
Looking over all the bottles to see what I had to choose from I said to myself "hmmm... there's 'Soft and Silky', 'Oily Hair', 'Dry Hair', 'Normal Hair', 'Original', 'Sensitive Skin', 'Extra Volume', 'Refreshing Scalp'...WAIT did that other one say Extra Volume? That's JUST what I need...isn't it?" LOL
I did go back to the Extra Volume just because I got a kick out of it and I thought..."Wouldn't it be interesting to see what the gal in the checkout line would do?" But then I started to put it back thinking that'd be a waste as she'd probably not even notice. But before I could put it down...an older lady came around the corner and I turned and smiled at her greeting her politely. It's what I do. She smiled back and said "Hello"...looked at my head, then the bottles of shampoo on the shelves, then at my hand (holding still the extra volume bottle) and back at me and my head:
I don't know if she could read the 'Extra Volume' on the bottle I was holding...but the look on her face was priceless! She didn't say anything more at all: Just looked SO perplexed and quickly continued past I imagine thinking maybe I was crazy.
In the end, I decided to go with the 'Refreshing Scalp'. It's nice and I think it might be working!
...
But wait...my humorous tale can't end there! A week after this has occurred...a week of laughing about it with friends and joking in emails about the situation...I come home after a Tuesday class (so I've been gone all day) and I check my mailbox before heading upstairs. Inside there is a small envelope...the yellow bubble wrap style and I can feel that there is something bulky inside. There were no noticeable stamps or anything to say where it was from (why DO they use red ink on these in the first place...can't ever see them) so I thought maybe it was a surprise gift from a friend in Spain. I got up to my place and opened the envelope:
What more can I say except that I received the perfect, bubble wrapped punch line to an already entertaining experience!
…The envelope had inside a sample bottle of Head and Shoulders.
Showing posts with label Humour. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Humour. Show all posts
August 7, 2007 Cathin' them babies.
(As per SOMEONE'S request, and as best as my frazzled brain will allow me to remember)
I was supposed to leave the city for the annual jamboree by 9:00 am. However, as is typical in my world, I got super delayed. I didn't actually leave until about 4:00 pm. And then my departure was quickly taken over by a nasty storm cloud which decided to stay right over top of me the entire way pissing like a racehorse. In fact, it's because of this cursed cloud that I even got into this particular nightmarish pickle at all.
I was driving along well enough until the rain got so bad that I couldn't see beyond the end of my car so of course I pulled over. I waited it out about 15 minutes. The weather seemed to have lightened up so I started on my way again. I figured I was about 20 minutes from town at this point. I called the friends that were patiently waiting to meet me, and bring me into the grounds to let them know my ETA. I started driving and within 5 minutes, visibility was shot again so I planned to pull over at the next spot I could. Ahead of me a black SUV (with Manitoba plates) pulled over and I saw that it was a good enough spot with room for me so I joined them. I was behind them maybe 10 seconds before the driver (a male about 26 years old) came frantically running towards me and knocked on my window. I was a wee bit concerned seeing as I was alone on the road but I opened my window a crack and he asked (more like screamed): "Do you have a cell phone?! My wife is in labour!!!!!"
I swear I saw my own eyes bugged out all the way past my nose. I grabbed my phone getting out of my car and started to dial 9-1-1 and gave it to him. I told him to get back in his car and while following him I asked if I could check on his wife. He looked at me funny and I told them (as I was getting into their car and this is MY huge a** mistake of the year) "I'm an EMT grad and maybe I can help while you wait for the ambulance." I said this as the rain was thundering down like horses hooves on the roof. I suspect all he heard was "EMT" and his face looked like I just told him I was Jesus reincarnated or something.
They readily gave me consent and I checked on his wife getting whatever history I could. She's all good aside from the REALLY obvious fact that she's in labour. She's sitting in the front seat (really uncomfortable) and I told her to get into the back after I got the seats down and whatever blankets and sh** I could find spread out for comfort. I didn't get a chance to time her contractions (wasn't wearing a watch) but by my guesstimate there were NO breaks LOL. Her vitals were fine she was just REALLY ready to push.
So dad is on the phone being completely useless and now that I have mom set up in the back I shout to him: "GIVE ME THE PHONE!" He looked at me like I'd asked something crazy and refused to pass it over. I asked two more times before I just grabbed it and spoke with whomever was in dispatch saying: "Look. I got pulled over with these two and I'm a NEW EMT. This baby is coming now. How long is it going to be?" Dispatch is like stuttering and didn't seem to know if anyone would get to us so I cut her off (I feel bad) and told her "We will start driving to town now with hazards on and if at some point a unit feels the urge to come and meet us then GREAT because this baby is coming now and I've got nothing! And hey! Maybe you could let emerg know that we're coming in!"
So dad once again proves what a dork he is at the moment (TOTAL typical first time dad). He couldn't figure out how to put his flashers on, and then QUESTIONED me when I insisted he put them on. Meanwhile I'm having a very bizarre panic-fest in my brain as I realize what the h*** might be about to happen. This is while I check to see just how much mom has progressed and I determined (by my limited education) that this was as 'imminent' as it could get.
All I wanted to do was tell her to stand on her head with her legs crossed while I ran for the hills in search of a cave to hide for the rest of my life. However I tell dad to get his act together and start driving. It was rather entertaining because the more I yelled at him (he WOULD NOT listen to ANYTHING I told him) the calmer mom got. I think she enjoyed it LOL.
So I tried to coach mom's breathing and was relieved to see that we were A LOT closer to the highway intersection then I first thought. We got to the hospital where there were nurses and a doctor ready for us thank god. We pulled into the emerg bay (after I had to yell at dad who thought we should park in the parking lot (IDIOT!) because we aren't an ambulance, and the nurses jumped into the back and pushed me out of the way (which I happily obliged). They took one look to find what I already knew: baby was crowning!
I went into emerg and checked to see what they needed from me and then (because I was not at all interested in sticking around) snagged some nurse's husband to drive me back to my car so I could go to the jamboree and get right smashed! At this point, they had already gotten mom on a stretcher and into a room.
Once back at my car, I let my friends know that I had yet another delay but that I was back on the road. After two minutes driving I decided to pull over again because I had to puke. And then I was good. Got to the grounds and proceeded to drink maintaining a healthy buzz for about two days straight.
I got back home Monday and checked my messages to find out the couple had a healthy baby girl. Mom was about 35 weeks and this was their first pregnancy/baby. Baby was 6 lbs 8oz and measured 19.4". She was named Serena Heidi ****** And for the record using my name does NOT make up for the torture of this experience. If I had wanted to see patients from that perspective I would have become a gynecologist!
I was supposed to leave the city for the annual jamboree by 9:00 am. However, as is typical in my world, I got super delayed. I didn't actually leave until about 4:00 pm. And then my departure was quickly taken over by a nasty storm cloud which decided to stay right over top of me the entire way pissing like a racehorse. In fact, it's because of this cursed cloud that I even got into this particular nightmarish pickle at all.
I was driving along well enough until the rain got so bad that I couldn't see beyond the end of my car so of course I pulled over. I waited it out about 15 minutes. The weather seemed to have lightened up so I started on my way again. I figured I was about 20 minutes from town at this point. I called the friends that were patiently waiting to meet me, and bring me into the grounds to let them know my ETA. I started driving and within 5 minutes, visibility was shot again so I planned to pull over at the next spot I could. Ahead of me a black SUV (with Manitoba plates) pulled over and I saw that it was a good enough spot with room for me so I joined them. I was behind them maybe 10 seconds before the driver (a male about 26 years old) came frantically running towards me and knocked on my window. I was a wee bit concerned seeing as I was alone on the road but I opened my window a crack and he asked (more like screamed): "Do you have a cell phone?! My wife is in labour!!!!!"
I swear I saw my own eyes bugged out all the way past my nose. I grabbed my phone getting out of my car and started to dial 9-1-1 and gave it to him. I told him to get back in his car and while following him I asked if I could check on his wife. He looked at me funny and I told them (as I was getting into their car and this is MY huge a** mistake of the year) "I'm an EMT grad and maybe I can help while you wait for the ambulance." I said this as the rain was thundering down like horses hooves on the roof. I suspect all he heard was "EMT" and his face looked like I just told him I was Jesus reincarnated or something.
They readily gave me consent and I checked on his wife getting whatever history I could. She's all good aside from the REALLY obvious fact that she's in labour. She's sitting in the front seat (really uncomfortable) and I told her to get into the back after I got the seats down and whatever blankets and sh** I could find spread out for comfort. I didn't get a chance to time her contractions (wasn't wearing a watch) but by my guesstimate there were NO breaks LOL. Her vitals were fine she was just REALLY ready to push.
So dad is on the phone being completely useless and now that I have mom set up in the back I shout to him: "GIVE ME THE PHONE!" He looked at me like I'd asked something crazy and refused to pass it over. I asked two more times before I just grabbed it and spoke with whomever was in dispatch saying: "Look. I got pulled over with these two and I'm a NEW EMT. This baby is coming now. How long is it going to be?" Dispatch is like stuttering and didn't seem to know if anyone would get to us so I cut her off (I feel bad) and told her "We will start driving to town now with hazards on and if at some point a unit feels the urge to come and meet us then GREAT because this baby is coming now and I've got nothing! And hey! Maybe you could let emerg know that we're coming in!"
So dad once again proves what a dork he is at the moment (TOTAL typical first time dad). He couldn't figure out how to put his flashers on, and then QUESTIONED me when I insisted he put them on. Meanwhile I'm having a very bizarre panic-fest in my brain as I realize what the h*** might be about to happen. This is while I check to see just how much mom has progressed and I determined (by my limited education) that this was as 'imminent' as it could get.
All I wanted to do was tell her to stand on her head with her legs crossed while I ran for the hills in search of a cave to hide for the rest of my life. However I tell dad to get his act together and start driving. It was rather entertaining because the more I yelled at him (he WOULD NOT listen to ANYTHING I told him) the calmer mom got. I think she enjoyed it LOL.
So I tried to coach mom's breathing and was relieved to see that we were A LOT closer to the highway intersection then I first thought. We got to the hospital where there were nurses and a doctor ready for us thank god. We pulled into the emerg bay (after I had to yell at dad who thought we should park in the parking lot (IDIOT!) because we aren't an ambulance, and the nurses jumped into the back and pushed me out of the way (which I happily obliged). They took one look to find what I already knew: baby was crowning!
I went into emerg and checked to see what they needed from me and then (because I was not at all interested in sticking around) snagged some nurse's husband to drive me back to my car so I could go to the jamboree and get right smashed! At this point, they had already gotten mom on a stretcher and into a room.
Once back at my car, I let my friends know that I had yet another delay but that I was back on the road. After two minutes driving I decided to pull over again because I had to puke. And then I was good. Got to the grounds and proceeded to drink maintaining a healthy buzz for about two days straight.
I got back home Monday and checked my messages to find out the couple had a healthy baby girl. Mom was about 35 weeks and this was their first pregnancy/baby. Baby was 6 lbs 8oz and measured 19.4". She was named Serena Heidi ****** And for the record using my name does NOT make up for the torture of this experience. If I had wanted to see patients from that perspective I would have become a gynecologist!
Humour: A hole behind
A man, while playing on the front nine of a complicated golf layout became confused as to where he was on the course. Looking around, he saw a lady playing ahead of him. He walked up to her, explained his confusion and asked her if she knew what hole he was playing.
She replied, "I'm on the 7th hole, and you are a hole behind me, so you must be on the 6th hole." He thanked her and went back to his golf.
On the back nine the same thing happened; and he approached her again with the same request. She said, "I'm on the 14th hole, you are a hole behind me, so you must be on the 13th hole." Once again he thanked her and returned to his play.
He finished his round and went to the clubhouse where he saw the same lady sitting at the end of the bar. He asked the bartender if he knew the lady. The bartender said that she was a sales lady and played the course often.
He approached her and said, "Let me buy you a drink in appreciation for your help. I understand that you are in the sales profession. I'm in sales, also. What do you sell?" She replied, "If I tell you, you'll laugh."
"No, I won't."
"Well, if you must know," she answered, "I work for Tampax."
With that, he laughed so hard he almost lost his breath. She said, "See I knew you would laugh."
"That's not what I'm laughing at!" he replied. "I'm a salesman for Preparation H, so I'm still a hole behind you!"
She replied, "I'm on the 7th hole, and you are a hole behind me, so you must be on the 6th hole." He thanked her and went back to his golf.
On the back nine the same thing happened; and he approached her again with the same request. She said, "I'm on the 14th hole, you are a hole behind me, so you must be on the 13th hole." Once again he thanked her and returned to his play.
He finished his round and went to the clubhouse where he saw the same lady sitting at the end of the bar. He asked the bartender if he knew the lady. The bartender said that she was a sales lady and played the course often.
He approached her and said, "Let me buy you a drink in appreciation for your help. I understand that you are in the sales profession. I'm in sales, also. What do you sell?" She replied, "If I tell you, you'll laugh."
"No, I won't."
"Well, if you must know," she answered, "I work for Tampax."
With that, he laughed so hard he almost lost his breath. She said, "See I knew you would laugh."
"That's not what I'm laughing at!" he replied. "I'm a salesman for Preparation H, so I'm still a hole behind you!"
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